Hodor and the Snow Cone
by Pants of Mirkwood
Summary: A cute, silly little ficlet about Hodor, the Walders, Ned, and a snow cone. Yes, this is abot HODOR, not only NED, but sadly, there was no Hodor option for characters...


"Hodor!" said Hodor excitedly, pointing at his snow cone stand.

"No, Hodor! Leave us alone! We don't have time for your silly games! We're busy plotting to take over- mff!"

Little Walder quickly shut Big Walder up by clapping a gloved hand over his mouth. "What he means is, we'd order two of your wonderful snow cones, but you seem to have run out. I suppose business is booming for you to have sold out by-" he glanced at his (nonexistent and not yet invented) watch "-ten in the morning."

Hodor frowned. The only person who had bought his wares was his mother, Old Nan, and she paid him in stories. What use was a snow cone business in the coldest, snowiest place south of the Wall if nobody paid you for it?

"Hodor!" he explained, bending down and scooping a handful of snow into a small pot. Making sure the two Walders were watching, he poured a generous amount of cherry flavoring on top…

… or at least, he pretended to. He didn't actually have any flavoring, which was a bit a disappointment, but what could he do about it? Whenever he asked the cooks to buy him some, they gave him odd looks.

Big Walder plucked a soggy leaf out of the pot, eyeing it critically. "I'm not touching this! You scooped that up from someone's footprints! Do you know how dirty the bottoms of people's shoes are?"

"Hodor," grumbled Hodor, thrusting the pot at him.

"Uh, do you hear that?" Little Walder interrupted, putting a hand to his ear theatrically.

"I don't hear anything," Big Walder muttered, stepping away from Hodor.

"Hodor!" said Hodor, who couldn't hear anything either.

"Yeah, I think Old Nan's calling us to come… uh… help her with… that… thing! Yes, that thing! You know what I'm talking about, right?" Little Walder elbowed his brother's ribs (although it was closer to his spleen, because of the height difference).

"Wha- Oh! I see! Ahem, yes! Old Nan, she needs our help. Those things are so important, don't you agree Hodor?" grinned Big Walder.

"Hodor," said Hodor, confused.

"Good man. So, we'll see you around sometime in the not-so-near future, all right?" Little Walder called over his shoulder as he pulled Big Walder away.

"Hodor," sighed Hodor unhappily. He had this glorious pot of freshly-scooped snow, and nobody was around to buy it! Who was someone in Winterfell with money?... Bran never had any on him, and he never paid his debts. Old Nan tried to pay him in stories, which had been great- until she started repeating stories. He supposed he could try Robb, but he wasn't likely to give him the time of day, much less the price of a snow cone. Most of the visitors of Winterfell just gave him odd looks when he tried to approach them, so that was a dead end. Perhaps he could try Lord Stark?

"Hodor!" he squeaked excitedly. He'd never tried to sell a snow cone to the Lord of Winterfell before! Maybe Ned would like his creations so much, he would ask Hodor to bring him one every day! He'd pay Hodor with enough coin to buy… buy… well, he didn't know what he would buy, but it would be something glorious!

Humming a happy tune of 'Hodors' under his breath, he trotted into the throne room.

Ned glanced at him in surprise, but stayed seated in his throne. "What do you need, Hodor?"

"Hodor!" Hodor knelt, proudly presenting Ned with the snow cone.

"Foolish imbecile! One does not simply sell the Lord of Winterfell a snow cone!" Caitlin screeched.

Ignoring his wife, Ned took the pot from Hodor and examined it thoroughly. "What is this, Hodor?"

"Hodor!" said Hodor, rubbing his belling in a 'yummy noms' motion.

"I see," smiled Ned, eating with only the slightest of hesitations. Hodor eyed him vigilantly, making sure he ate every last bite.

Discreetly plucking a pebble from his teeth, Ned gave Hodor the brightest smile he could manage. "Why thank you, Hodor! That was delicious! Have you ever thought of opening a snow cone stand?"

Caitlin huffed indignantly. _"Ned!"_

"Hodor!" Hodor shook his head. What a clever idea!

"I think Winterfell would benefit greatly from such a stand, if you were to run it. Perhaps you could ask Bran for his help? You two could work as a team to make these delightful treats," Ned continued, ignoring the withering glare that Caitlin was shooting him.

"Hodor!" boomed Hodor, bowing to the Lord before scurrying off to track down Bran. The infernal boy was probably off gallivanting over the rooftops or climbing the towers instead of planning to make their snow cone business a success!

A few hours of searching yielded no results, and so Hodor, completely exhausted, flopped down next to Old Nan to hear a story about the King Beyond the Wall.

He never actually realized that Ned Stark had not paid him for the snow cone.

Hello audience! Thanks for reading! This was originally going to be a parody/humor type thing, but then it turned into … this. Why is it this instead of a parody that will make you ROTFLOL? Because it's about Hodor and Ned, the two BEST and MOST HONEST characters in the Game of Thrones book series thus so far! I found myself unable to make too much fun of either of them… so I turned it into what it is now: a silly, cute story that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Now, before you go yelling about how the timeline is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OFF, keep in mind that this doesn't really have a set time. If I'm not mistaken (which I very well could be), the Walders only come into the story during the second book, but Bran is still healthy and Ned hasn't left to be the Hand yet, but I was too lazy to stay true to the actual sequence of events in GoT.


End file.
